Monday, August 26, 2013

Badass Military Tactician: Fidel V. Ramos

The famous "jump for joy" 

Our country’s political history is like a mash up of Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, Breaking Bad and Beverly Hills 90210. There’s a lot of strange creatures speaking languages that always sound like they are selling the souls of everyone they talk with to Satan. There’s lots of bloody murder, guddam massacres and f*ckin’ assassinations that I am pretty sure the collective blood of all those dead people could most likely bring the Read Sea back to its former volume.

There’s a lot of thievery and trickery with so many willing victims it would put the 3 Stoogies to shame. Most of all, there’s a lot of prostitution, naked men and women that f*ck unprotected and usually from behind… with no proper foreplay. Forget about being kissed before getting f*ck.

We were beaten down to slavery by the Spaniards who took the liberty of bringing us closer to our pagan past by romanticising the image of priests who were,

But of all the shit that we were forced to it, nothingcompares to the exotic delicacy that Ferdinand Marcos shoved own our throat. Nothing like being f*cked by your own countryman. He was the state leader for 25 years and screw us all every damn day of those 25 years.

He was to be toppled by a woman, Corazon Aquino, widow of Marcos’ nemesis Benigno Aquino. Not surprising, considering, she had the best training, she was a full time mother and housewife. You don’t f*ckin get any job harder than that, guddamit. Aquino, the woman, was to survive 9 coup de etat attempts to topple her presidency. Operative word, attempts.

She won every single one of those coups and had some more strength left to deal with a daughter who had the habit of getting into relationships with married men.

However, many attest that she wouldn’t have made it without the help of one man, Fidel Ramos. After all, she has never had military experience and if you are to defend a country against a group of PMA graduates, you need more than just military experience, you need military badassery.

Ramos was the man

Fidel Ramos was a West Point graduate and is credited as one of the best military tacticians of all time. He does not talk a lot about his experience in West Point because any legit West Point graduate knows fully well that it is catastrophically stupid to give away the program that allows an organization to hone the bet military personnel.

He is Marcos’ first cousin. Ramos became the Chief-of-Staff of the Armed forces of the Philippines under the Marcos administration. Things started changing for these two childhood playmates when the then National Defense Secretary, Juan Ponce Enrile, decided to launch a coup against Marcos.

You see, Enrile is not a brilliant of a planner as Ramos or Marcos but he ain’t stupid either. When a bomb in … somewhere in Manila, blew off, Enrile knew it was meant for him. Thanks to his stupid driver, he arrived at the venue late and was saved. The thing about Marcos is that the minute he decides to kill you, you’re already dead.

Enrile knew that the only way for him to be saved from being murdered like an anorexic pig and be served as dinner to some single cell life forms living seven levels below the hell of Mordor is by killing Marcos first.

He just didn’t know how to do it.

The Start of EDSA Revolution

Enrile then decided that if he was gonna get f*cked, he might as well get kissed first. So, he launched a Coup. As brilliant as he was and as badass as his disposition was, his disposition won’t save his ass from being torn to pieces by hungry soldiers. He needed someone that would know what to do. That man is Marcos but that’s also the man he was trying to beat. The other one is Benigno Aquino but he died 3 years prior.

He called Ramos on the phone, landline. Mobile phones were not big at that time.  Ramos reportedly said “I am with you” but refused to talk more as he knew their phones were tapped.

He went to meet with Enrile in Camp Aguinaldo and immediately went into badass gear. He planned their defense. He asked Enrile to move to the camp across the street, Camp Crame, because it was smaller and easier to defend. There was still, however, one problem. Even if he manages to call on to half the army to defend them, Marcos is more ruthless and wouldn’t think twice about launching grenades at them like their asses are the launching ground for New Year’s Eve fireworks. Marcos also had control of mother effin’ military tanks and really, the mere thought of a tank rolling over your body is enough to make you shit in your boxers seven ways to Sunday.

Ramos knew he needed more support and there’s no better barricade than f*uckin’ people. Yup! People as in human being who breath and are someone child, mother, father or partner. Those are the best kin of barricade. So, it was decided. He will use people to block f*ckin’ tanks! Do you hear me?

There’s a slight problem. He doesn’t know where to get enough LIVING bodies to block EDSA. Then he remembered, people are kinda pissed about Ninoy getting assassinated and Corazon Aquino getting cheated off the elections.

He called Tita Cory and asked her to appeal to the public and help them block tanks that are on their way to squash them like a cockroaches high on marijuana so that instead of them, it’s the people that will get squashed first and they’ll have time to run away. Of course, he didn’t say it that way. He said something like, “it’s time to end the rotten leadership that has taken away the freedom of our people! It you Cory! You are meant to be the President!” or something to that effect.

People started coming and it was enough for Marcos to glance towards their direction and watch the comedy unfold in front of him. As a precaution, he prohibited all TV and radio stations to cover the event.

Ramos, however, knew that it wasn’t enough. He needs EDSA filled. He then called the archbishop of Manila, Cardinal Sin. The Philippines is a predominantly Catholic country and at the time, the Cardinal was still an influential figure.

Ramos called Cardinal Sin and said, “We need to do this for the country, for Ninoy, for the Filipinos!” or something shit like that. Regardless, Cardinal Sin agreed, went on the lone radio station airing at that time and said, “Catholics! Represent!”

And represent they did.

Marcos already knew what was happening. True to his reputation, he was preparing to finish everyone off in Camp Crame until Favian Ver, the one acting as the chief-of-staff following Ramos’ defection, told him hundreds of people were already in EDSA and their tanks couldn’t move.

Marcos brushed it aside, stating Manila is not the whole Philippines. Ramos was already prepared for this and told Marcos that his most trusted uniformed and civilian men already withdrew their support. Most of all, the U.S. has expressed their support to Corazon Aquino.

That was pure bullshit. Tt the time he said, U.S. was yet to release any statement but it did rattle Marcos and when news broke out that many withdrew their support from Marcos, they followed suit.

The darn strategy worked.

When tanks started arriving with an order to bulldoze the holy sh*t out of anyone who gets in the way, soldiers already started hearing about the support the Corazon Aquino’s camp was getting.

People asked the soldiers to get their asses off the tanks and put down their weapons. It was a heartwarming site and a proof of Ramos’ tactical brilliance. The U.S. followed suit and sent air support. No less than a pilot with a really impressive Texan accent took Marcos physically out of Malacanang Palace. Corazon Aquino was sworn in as the 11th president of the republic.

But wait, there’s more.

Any government that was instated through revolution experiences counter revolutions and Corazon Aquino’s administration was not an exception. I mean, you don’t expect to kick someone’s nuts and not have him kick back right?  

She had nine coup de etat total and won them all. Many credit this to his Chief-of-staff and later on Defense Secretary, Ramos. This is the guy that kicked the 25-year president of this country. You don’t bullsh*t a bullsh*tter, you know.

In one attempt, he realized that people were actually going to EDSA again, trying to cook him in the same oil in which he fried Marcos. Uh uh. Not gonna happen. He blocked all entrances to EDSA. So people couldn’t get to EDSA. Hence, no revolution, f*ckers!

He eventually ran for the Presidency and won. Under his reign, the country experienced some economic and political stability. He also proved detractors wrong when he pulled off the greatest surprise in his career, he actually stepped down from the presidency after his term. Everyone thought he was going to do what his cousin did, put the country under a dictatorship.

It didn’t mean he was to rest and retire though.

There are talks, although unconfirmed, that he actually did a repeat performance of what he did in EDSA. You know, encore.

His successor, Joseph Estrada, was impeached for graft and corruption. A whistle blower testified that Estrada took money from illegal gambling and opened bank account under a different name. During the senate hearing the bank was ordered to provide documentations on the alleged bank accounts. It was in a sealed envelope.  

The defence argued that the envelope should not be opened because it will release a deadly gas that will put the whole of Manila to sleep or whatever shit they said. It was decided that the senate would put it in a vote. They prosecution needed 12 votes to open the d*mn envelope. Political analysts and journalists agreed the prosecution would have it.

Surprisingly, the defence won. The envelope was not to be opened but something miraculous happened. People swarmed EDSA again, furious at the “blatant” political manoeuvring. Guess who brought them there?

Gandhi. You sh*thead, Ramos, of course.

At the exact time when the announcement was made that the envelope was not to be opened, Ramos, who just arrived from some country, ran from the airport all the way to EDSA bringing with him thousands of people who texted thousands of other people who texted thousands of other people.

For five days, people converted the highway to a party place and on the fifth day, Estrada was out.

Many believed that Ramos spoke to some senators to vote “nay” knowing that if the envelope gets opened, it will be nothing but paper trail and lead to nothing again. However, not opening the envelope would anger the people and push them to the streets.

Final Words

Many people thought that Enrile and Ramos started EDSA because they so wanted Marcos out the country. They probably did BUT not as much as they wanted to save their ass from getting toasted. Ramos was a chess master. Cory, the people and everything else around him were his pieces which he controlled and moved.

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